Sunday, October 08, 2006

The Spider Diaries

I just had a conversation with a good friend about blogging. I shared my insignificant reservations and he told me just to do it. Of course, he's right. Just do it. So, I'm just doing it. And, what better topic to start off my first blog with a delightful little story about spiders? It is, after all, Halloween Month!!

Here is my little story....

Wednesday morning, I got in my car to head for work. As I backed out of my driveway, I noticed a spider on the outside of my windshield. I chuckled a little and told him it wasn't really such a good idea to hitch a ride with me. Being a spider, and not really understanding English, he stayed right where he was. Oh well. His problem.

As I drive down my block, the spider smartens up slightly and crawls under one of my wiper blades. I congratulate him on the smart move. He stays safely hidden away, guarded from the g-forces of car travel, under my wiper. That is until I get on the highway. As I pick up speed on 135, approaching 50 MPH, he decides to emerge from the relative safety of the wiper blade and travel to the center of my windshield. Clinging to the glass, he manages to make it a good 6 inches while I am now traveling around 55 MPH. He forges on like Admiral Byrd on an expedition to the South Pole. Talk about an adrenaline junkie!!

Now, I am having a full on conversation with this spider. I tell him to go back under the wiper. He doesn't move. Then I realize... he can't. The g-forces are holding him in place. He's plastered to the glass. Legs splayed in eight crooked little directions.

Of course, I was laughing hysterically at this poor little thing. He had no idea what he was in for when he woke up Wednesday morning. I'm sure he was just looking forward to a nice peaceful day of web building and bug eating. Maybe, he just stopped off on my car for a little nap on his way to one of the many spider havens in my backyard. ("Spiders in my Backyard" is a story for another day. And no, it's not a metaphor.)

I'm still traveling along 135 approaching 60 MPH. He's still holding on. I'm now very impressed with his strength and tenacity. I begin to approach my usual cruising speed of about 70 MPH. I can't believe it! Still holding on. I'm watching the spider and not my speedometer. I'm starting to feel an affinity for this thing. I don't want him to flip off of my windshield and go tumbling backward into traffic behind me. I imagine him getting hit by each car - flipping up and over only to be hit by the next car and the next. It's horrible. I want him to make the whole trip with me. Then I see one leg lift up and start to flap around in the wind. A split second later, a second leg. Oh my god!! He's going! "Good bye, fair spider! You gave it your all!"

I look down. I'm doing 75 MPH! Apparently, 75 MPH is the official breaking point of spiders clinging to windshields. I feel bad instantly. Guilty of some nonexistent crime. "Spider Flipping"? "Murder by Wind"? I slow down to about 65 MPH. His legs stop flapping!! PHEW. He's safe. He'll make it. I'm so relieved.

As I drive through the neighborhood near work, I slow down . My new friend is still with me, still clinging for dear life, but with all 8 legs planted firmly on the glass. I'm doing about 15 MPH as I come around the 2nd to last corner. I look at my new friend, and he has turned himself around to face me. He's staring me dead in the face. I feel him swearing at me, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT?!?!?" Of course I apologize. (as if I actually did anything wrong)

I tell him to stick around and I'll drive him back home later. By the time I came out for lunch, he was gone. I guess he wasn't up for a second ride on Nielsen Airlines.


At 08 October, 2006 02:56 , Blogger Paul G. said...

YES!! See? That wasn't so bad! Just as funny as when you told it to me.. now you just have to tell everyone about your spider dream... =D

I wanted to tell you my own little car-spider story... I was transporting my portable canopy-tent back from Rich's house, and instead of bringing it straight to my parent's house like I should have, I decided to bring it home instead. Not having any place to put it, however, I left it in my car overnight. Well, apparently I had a stowaway on board, because when I went to get in my car the next morning my entire cabin was strewn with spiderwebs! I don't know what he thought he was going to catch in there; it's not like there's a high-traffic flow of flies zipping through the inside of my car. If I were a more sympathetic man, I probably would have felt sorry for the bugger, having gone through all that work for nothing; however as I recall I simply just hunted the little bastard down for defiling my car.

At 10 October, 2006 17:48 , Blogger Tray2stp said...

Awesome! You have a way with words and storytelling...i really enjoyed it! Looking forward to some more! ~Tray

At 11 October, 2006 00:33 , Blogger Michelle Lee said...

Hey Thanks! That's great to hear!

At 13 October, 2006 13:38 , Blogger Steve said...


I had no idea that you had entered the wild world of blogging, and I had even less of an idea that you would have links on your blog to the two blogs I personally launched! (Heart and Mind & The Coffee Crew). I will definitely link up "AlwaySingin" on mine as soon as time permits. Which should be sometime before the next presidential election. No, will be really soon. Days, not weeks.

I also am psyched to see that I talked Paul into blogging, and now he has, or so it seems, taken to converting others. Paul rules.

So...what in the heck have you been up to besides dreaming of catching spiders in Pringle cans?

Keep up the good work.


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