The Spider Diaries

I just had a conversation with a good friend about blogging. I shared my insignificant reservations and he told me just to do it. Of course, he's right. Just do it. So, I'm just doing it. And, what better topic to start off my first blog with a delightful little story about spiders? It is, after all, Halloween Month!!

Here is my little story....

Wednesday morning, I got in my car to head for work. As I backed out of my driveway, I noticed a spider on the outside of my windshield. I chuckled a little and told him it wasn't really such a good idea to hitch a ride with me. Being a spider, and not really understanding English, he stayed right where he was. Oh well. His problem.

As I drive down my block, the spider smartens up slightly and crawls under one of my wiper blades. I congratulate him on the smart move. He stays safely hidden away, guarded from the g-forces of car travel, under my wiper. That is until I get on the highway. As I pick up speed on 135, approaching 50 MPH, he decides to emerge from the relative safety of the wiper blade and travel to the center of my windshield. Clinging to the glass, he manages to make it a good 6 inches while I am now traveling around 55 MPH. He forges on like Admiral Byrd on an expedition to the South Pole. Talk about an adrenaline junkie!!

Now, I am having a full on conversation with this spider. I tell him to go back under the wiper. He doesn't move. Then I realize... he can't. The g-forces are holding him in place. He's plastered to the glass. Legs splayed in eight crooked little directions.

Of course, I was laughing hysterically at this poor little thing. He had no idea what he was in for when he woke up Wednesday morning. I'm sure he was just looking forward to a nice peaceful day of web building and bug eating. Maybe, he just stopped off on my car for a little nap on his way to one of the many spider havens in my backyard. ("Spiders in my Backyard" is a story for another day. And no, it's not a metaphor.)

I'm still traveling along 135 approaching 60 MPH. He's still holding on. I'm now very impressed with his strength and tenacity. I begin to approach my usual cruising speed of about 70 MPH. I can't believe it! Still holding on. I'm watching the spider and not my speedometer. I'm starting to feel an affinity for this thing. I don't want him to flip off of my windshield and go tumbling backward into traffic behind me. I imagine him getting hit by each car - flipping up and over only to be hit by the next car and the next. It's horrible. I want him to make the whole trip with me. Then I see one leg lift up and start to flap around in the wind. A split second later, a second leg. Oh my god!! He's going! "Good bye, fair spider! You gave it your all!"

I look down. I'm doing 75 MPH! Apparently, 75 MPH is the official breaking point of spiders clinging to windshields. I feel bad instantly. Guilty of some nonexistent crime. "Spider Flipping"? "Murder by Wind"? I slow down to about 65 MPH. His legs stop flapping!! PHEW. He's safe. He'll make it. I'm so relieved.

As I drive through the neighborhood near work, I slow down . My new friend is still with me, still clinging for dear life, but with all 8 legs planted firmly on the glass. I'm doing about 15 MPH as I come around the 2nd to last corner. I look at my new friend, and he has turned himself around to face me. He's staring me dead in the face. I feel him swearing at me, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT?!?!?" Of course I apologize. (as if I actually did anything wrong)

I tell him to stick around and I'll drive him back home later. By the time I came out for lunch, he was gone. I guess he wasn't up for a second ride on Nielsen Airlines.